


5 Times Bitty Stress Baked (and one time it was on purpose)

by wannabe_someone



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Homophobia, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, and in a qpr with ransom, aroace character, holsters aro, sage owns my heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22578049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannabe_someone/pseuds/wannabe_someone
Summary: Exactly the title, happens throughout canon and even after
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle & Alexei "Tater" Mashkov, Eric "Bitty" Bittle & Chris "Chowder" Chow, Eric "Bitty" Bittle & Justin "Ransom" Oluransi, Eric "Bitty" Bittle & Samwell Men's Hockey Team, Eric "Bitty" Bittle & William "Dex" Poindexter, Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Comments: 20
Kudos: 92





	1. Chowder

**Author's Note:**

> this has been in my docs for 2 months y'all
> 
> sorry if anyones ooc
> 
> set in the middle of bitty's sophomore year
> 
> (Messed that up, I’m kinda stupid)

Bitty yawned. He knew it was the night before a game, but he had always dealt with stress by baking. As he started to put the lattice on his most recent creation, (a beautiful maple pecan pie, he thought proudly), he figured that even if he would be exhausted at the start of this roadie, the rest of the boys getting a pie would be worth it.

Quickly, he glanced at the clock on Betsy. It was about 1 am. He started mumbling under his breath.

“Okay, Betsy, I’m expecting you to behave right now, all right? I have been nothing but a gentleman to you, so now I’m expecting something from you.” He patted the oven door, as if trying to reward the oven. “I want these boys to have something nice to look forward to, they’ve earned it. After all, they did get us to the playoffs again.”

Looking back at his phone, he set the timer for the pie, swaying slightly to the Beyonce running through his headphones.

“So this should be done in about an hour. And you,” he said, glaring at Betsy, “You behave.”

Turning around, he started to clean up the kitchen, wiping off the counters. Bitty got most of the way through cleaning it up when someone knocked at the door.

Bitty went to open the door, someone opened it before he could get to it.

“Oh, hey Bitty.” Chowder waved awkwardly. “Can I come in?”

Bitty, at the sight of the bedraggled frog in sharks pajama pants and sweatshirt, overflowed with southern hospitality.

“Of course! Come on in! I’ve got a pie going too.” Bitty looked at his phone before continuing. “It’ll be done in about 15 minutes, so you’d better make yourself at home.”

Both boys walked to the kitchen, sitting down on opposite sides of the table.

“So Chowder, what’s going on? Is it Dex and Nursey again? If those two are arguing, I swear I will-“

“It’s not Dex and Nursey.”

Bitty looked at Chowder. He seemed weirdly quiet. That small thing made Bitty worried.

“So what’s wrong then, Chowder?”

Right after he said that, Chowder seemed to get some of his energy back.

“It’s just that, you know, it’s the very end of the season. I’m the goalie, it feels like there’s so much pressure on me!” Chowder started flailing his arms around, showing exactly how agitated he was. “Also, I’m playing with Jack fucking Zimmermann! I can’t mess this up!”

At that moment, Bitty’s timer beeped, and he quickly tested the surface of the pie before serving up a slice with whipped cream and handing it to Chowder. Then he dished up another one, this time for himself.

“Like, I knew that it would be insane before, but right now, everything just seems like it’s all getting messed up!” He was gesturing all around the empty Haus kitchen with his fork, still chewing on a slice of pie. His movements seemed to get more agitated for a second, then he calmed down. “I came here because every time I tried to sleep it felt-“

“It felt like the pressure comes crashing down on you.” Bitty interjected. “Lord, I’ve felt like that every night for the last week. The pie you’re eating?” He pointed at the pie, cooling on the kitchen counter. “That was stress baked over the playoffs.”

“But Chowder? You have nothing to worry about. You’re an amazing goalie, and you’re the starting goalie. As a freshman. I’ve been here for a few years and I wasn’t even close to that good my first year. You’ll do great.” While saying that, Bitty’s voice had changed, becoming soft and soothing.

Chowder seemed to relax a bit after hearing Bitty’s praise. “You’re a great player, too! I mean, you’re on Jack’s line! I might be playing with Jack Zimmerman, but you’re playing with Jack Zimmermann!”

“The only reason I’m this good is because Jack Zimmermann made me work harder than god.”

“Wait, what?”

“Checking practice at 4 AM. I hated it, but that’s the only reason I haven’t been kicked off the team. I really owe him.” Bitty laughed, but it quickly turned into a yawn. He went to lay his head down on the table, but stopped when he felt a slightly sticky, flour-y residue.

“Oh my goodness.” Bitty sighed. “I thought I had gotten all of this done.”

“Wait, Bitty, is something wrong?” Chowder asked.

“I haven’t cleaned all of this kitchen yet. I guess I should do this right now, then.” Bitty started to move towards the cleaning supplies he had left in one of the cabinets, yawning.

“I can help you, Bitty! You did this for me, so I should help you!” Chowder jumped out of his chair, heading to the cabinet with Bitty.

“Oh, thank you, Chowder.” Bitty smiled, relieved. “But you don’t have to do that. I-” He yawned hugely, arching his back as his jaw popped. “I can do this on my own,” he continued.

“It’s not a big deal. I want to help, anyway.”

“Well. if you insist.” Bitty passed over some of the supplies to Chowder. “If you get the counter, I’ll do the dishes.”

The two boys worked together, the only sounds in the room coming from their yawns and Bitty’s soft singing as he listened to Beyonce.

Bitty looked at the clock. “You should go back to your dorm. The roadie starts tomorrow. And if Jack finds out about this midnight snack, he’ll murder us.”

Bitty chuckled as Chowder headed out the door. He’d almost exited the Haus before he popped his head back in.”

“Thanks for the pie, Bitty! It was really good, even if I don’t know what it is! Will you make it again?”

“Of course I will. Good night, Chowder!”

“See you, Bitty!”

Bitty then went upstairs, crawling into his bed and finally falling asleep, figuring out when he could make that maple pecan pie for Chowder again.


	2. Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitty was trying to quietly creep down the stairs to avoid the wrath of Jack when he saw the ultimate surprise: Jack downstairs, awake, in the middle of the night, reading something that he presumed was some history book.
> 
> “Euh, Bittle, what are you doing down here?”
> 
> Bitty walked the rest of the way down the stairs, no longer trying to be quiet. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d bake a pie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jack is easy to write for me, hes just anxiety hidden behind a canadian monotone

Bitty was trying to quietly creep down the stairs to avoid the wrath of Jack when he saw the ultimate surprise: Jack downstairs, awake, in the middle of the night, reading something that he presumed was some history book.

“Euh, Bittle, what are you doing down here?”

Bitty walked the rest of the way down the stairs, no longer trying to be quiet. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d bake a pie.” 

Jack raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t start chirping me now, Mr. Zimmermann. You’ll lose pie privileges.” As Bitty talked, he started to pull out bowls, ingredients, and a pie tin from the cabinets. Bless that boy’s heart, he could practically feel the glare Jack was giving him. “And don’t you start chirping me now, because I saw you staring at the pecan pie I made for Chowder after the playoffs.”

That last comment got Jack to look up from his book. He said slyly, “Isn’t it pronounced pecan?”

Bitty rolls his eyes. “It’s pronounced pecan, you big hunk of Canadian muscle.” As he said that last line, he may have gone to a certain person’s muscular… everything. He blushed, quickly looking away from Jack.

Since he looked away, he didn’t notice Jack’s slight blush as he looked at Bitty.

Bitty started whirling around the kitchen, collecting the rest of the necessary supplies for the pie he was making. He started piling everything on the table, right across from Jack. Soon, he was mixing together the butter, sugar, and flour for the pie crust. He was in the middle of mixing it when Jack suddenly started talking. “Everything that’s going on, it doesn’t quite seem real, eh?”

Bitty was surprised that Jack, the stoic hockey robot, was speaking to him, especially in the middle of the night, which was prime silent Jack hours.

“I guess.”

“Everything is going so fast. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, and every GM is bugging me about where I should go, now that I’m done with college.” Jack sighed, then put down his book. “Hey, Bittle, anything I can help with this?” he said, gesturing at the pie crust that he was currently kneading, covering his half of the table in flour.

“Only if you remember that there is no checking in my kitchen,” Bitty said, chirping him. “But yes, you can help me cut those apples.” 

Bitty pointed at a collection of fruits right next to Betsy with one dough covered hand. Then he quickly scooped the dough up, placing it in a bowl, then covering it with plastic wrap and placing it in the fridge. “Now you just sit there for a bit.”

Meanwhile, Jack had gotten the apples and was cutting them with his back facing away from Bitty. You would think that after a year on the hockey team, he would be used to the majesty of Jack Zimmerman’s hockey butt, but as Shitty often said, that ass was magnificent. Bitty shook his head, trying to stop staring at the butt. He cursed himself, knowing that his first major crush had to be on a straight boy. But little did he know, Jack Zimmermann was also feeling the same way about him, the first time since his ill fated relationship with Kent Parson. 

“You’re making another apple pie?” Jack smiled trying to lighten the mood. “Thought that after that class you might be done with those for a while.”

“The only thing I’m done with is how little butter was in those recipes. I don’t know how anyone could live with that.”

They worked in silence for a bit.

“Hey, Bitty. Where should I put these?” Jack gestured at the cutting board now full of apples.

“Oh honey, just put them over there,” he said, pointing at a bowl on his opposite side. Jack slowly maneuvered around Bitty, trying not to get caught up in his own thoughts as the blond swayed to the beat of the music coming from his phone. Jack didn’t quite make it though, tripping over nothing, but managing not to spill any of the apple slices. As he put them in the bowl, Bitty started talking again.

“I thought I said there was no checking in my kitchen!” he teased.

Jack was embarrassed and slipped back into his hockey robot persona. “Sorry. Just thinking.”

“Is something wrong?” Bitty asked.

“Not really. It’s fine.” Jack swallowed.

“If you need my advice, I think you should sign somewhere where you will be happy as yourself. Not being able to really feel safe… it’s not a way you want to live. And you should be happy.”

Jack said slowly “... I guess you’re right.”

“I’m just trying to help all of you out.” Bitty shrugged. “I’ve been doing it for all of you. Do you even know how many batches of Ransom’s favorite cookies I’ve made this week? I can’t wait ‘til finals are over.”

“About finals, when are you going to get that language requirement done?” Even in the low light, anyone could see the sly glint in Jack’s eyes.

“When are you going to stop asking me about that? I told you I would do it next semester.” Bitty muttered, mixing the apples together with some spices.

“Do you need me to help with the lattice, because I’m still pretty sure that I messed up your project.”

“Your lattice was perfect, honey.” Bitty started to sound annoyed. “The only problem was the amount of butter. Lord, I don’t know how anyone could make a pie like that!” 

Bitty started to yawn as he finished mixing the filling. Jack, having already started to clean off the counter where he’d worked, looked over at him. He started to walk over to Bitty, touching his shoulder gently. “Bittle.” 

Bitty jumped, turning to face Jack. They were face to face, staring at each other. Their faces were under an inch apart, staring at the other boy’s face. Jack moved in closer, wanting to touch him. Wanting to be with him. 

At that moment, both boys looked at each other and thought ‘christ, I want to kiss him’. They both flushed, quickly stepping back from the other boy. Jack’s hand went to his head, grabbing his neck just to have something to do with his hands. Then they dropped, holding his hands right in front of him, twisting his fingers together to deal with the sudden nervous energy.

“Bittle, you have finals tomorrow. Get some sleep. I can clean this up.”

Bitty was confused. He hadn’t seen Jack look like that for a while, suddenly turning into the monotone hockey robot.

“Sweetheart, I can take care -” Bitty’s protest was suddenly interrupted by a giant yawn.

“I’ll wake you up when you need to put in the filling.” Bitty trudged over to the table, putting his head in his arms, eventually falling asleep. Jack cleaned the kitchen, eventually finishing the pie himself. He didn’t want to disturb Bitty. He did need to sleep, after all.

When Bitty woke up, there was a gorgeous apple pie and a latte waiting for him, along with a note.

I thought you should sleep. You were right, the lattice was easier.  
-Jack

Bitty tried to deny his feelings, but it was hard to. He was head over heels in love with Captain Jack Zimmermann.


	3. Ransom and Holster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two of them crept out of their room and down the stairs. In reality, they weren’t very stealthy. Playing hockey, for some reason, encourages brute force, not grace. They found Bitty downstairs, cleaning the kitchen with a pie already cooling on the counter. The music they could hear streaming from his headphones did nothing to hide the fact that it seemed like he was crying quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its junior year for bitty yall
> 
> also while my family isnt homophobic trying to not say something that would out myself to my grandparents is hard especially since 99% of my humor is gay jokes, but really the only reason I havent told them is bc i dont want to explain my sexuality to them (im bi and ace, so the confusion would be insane)

Holster woke up in the middle of the night, Ransom right next to him, because ‘The ghosts are in here, bro!’ with the feeling that something was wrong. Everyone could hear everything in the Haus, something that had been used for thousands of chirps and pranks. Tonight he heard something that was never good: the sound of Bitty baking in the kitchen.

He poked Ransom in the shoulder, shaking him awake. Ransom mumbled “Whas goin’ on, bro?”

Holster didn’t lie. As team captains, they took their players’ morale very seriously. If anyone was having problems, they tried to help them. “Bitty’s baking. Again.”

Ransom jolted awake, grabbing Holster’s glasses from by the bed. “The last midterm stress pie he baked was a few days ago, right?”

Holster nodded. “Yeah. This has to be something different.”

The two of them crept out of their room and down the stairs. In reality, they weren’t very stealthy. Playing hockey, for some reason, encourages brute force, not grace. They found Bitty downstairs, cleaning the kitchen with a pie already cooling on the counter. The music they could hear streaming from his headphones did nothing to hide the fact that it seemed like he was crying quietly.

The d-men looked at each other. It was worse than they thought.

“Heeeey, Bitty!” Holster started off awkwardly. “My bro here,” he said, wrapping an arm around Ransom’s shoulder, “is saying that the ghosts are out to get him. Wanna make some cookies to sacrifice instead of him? I can’t lose my best bro.”

Ransom shoots Holster a look that says Are you really trying to blow this? Holster looks back at him, whispering “Just go with it.”

Bitty turns around, wiping his eyes, which were red from crying. He tries to smile at them. “Why don’t I make y’alls favorite cookies?”

“Thanks! Sorry Holster, Bitty’s my best bro now.” Ransom had hoped to get an actual smile out of Bitty and he’d succeeded. As Bitty started pulling out ingredients, Ransom and Holster grabbed chairs and sat at the table right behind Bitty.

“Everything good with you and Jack?” Holster asked, wagging his eyebrows. “I mean, we love him, but our team always comes first.”

Bitty stiffened the minute he heard about Jack, almost dropping the flour and sugar he held in his hands. “It’s not Jack,” he stated, his voice strained. 

Ransom and Holster looked at each other. They hadn’t seen Bitty like this since… since he told them he was dating Jack. 

“It’s fine!” Bitty continued, trying to stay cheery. “Now about those cookies…” 

Suddenly, Bitty went quiet. Ransom and Holster just sat there, sharing concerned looks, as Bitty started to cream sugar and butter together. Holster waited a minute before finally asking the all important question.

“Hey, Bitty… Are - Are you okay? We’re worried about you, bro.”

Ransom chimed in. “Yeah, you usually only bake this much when you’re stressed, and midterms are over. What’s going on?”

Bitty’s face fell, and he started looking like he was going to cry. The d-men exchanged a look. This was NOT what they wanted to happen. Ransom and Holster started scooting back, ready to leave. “Look, Bitty, we’re here for you. If you want us to leave, just tell us.”

Holster was halfway towards the door when Bitty finally started to speak. “I’m going home for spring break, and - and I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with everyone asking me when I’m going to get a girlfriend.”

They both looked at each other. Holster was aro, but not really out to that many people. Ransom didn’t talk about it much, but he was bi, and the two of them were in a QPR even if they didn’t think of it like that. The two of them had a shit ton of anger about hetero and amatonormativity, and they weren’t afraid to use it. Usually to help people.

“Well fuck, bro, that sucks.”

Ransom was the first person to start talking. “Seriously, though, we’ll always be there for you.”

Holster suddenly popped up holding his phone, looking way too cheerful and alert for the middle of the night. His fingers flew as he created a new group chat. He flashed the screen in the other boy’s face. Bitty blinked, blinded by the sudden bright light of the phone screen. His eyes focused, then filled with joy.

“It’s a Bitty protection squad group chat. Featuring all of your awesome bros from Samwell. It’s got Lardo, Shitty, me and Holster, and Jack.”

Ransom and Holster high fived. Bitty started to tear up again, but he was smiling. Still wiping tears from his eyes, he said “I guess I’d better make y’all those cookies now.”

Ransom smiled, hugging Bitty. “We’re the captains, and even then we’d do anything to keep our best bro happy.”

From behind him Holster nodded gravely. “Also, pies baked with happiness taste better. It’s been proven. Scientifically.”

Bitty’s eyebrow arched sceptically. “Who proved it then?”

Ransom and Holster looked at each other sheepishly, but Holster was the one to speak, putting his hand on Bitty’s shoulder at the same time as Ransom.

“We were the ones stealing the pies from the fridge. You were asleep after watching Golden Girls. Shitty made the conclusions.”

Ransom suddenly chimed in. “Shitty may have been high, but he was right.”

“I’m glad that y’all like my pies so much, but my pies are too good to waste on Shitty’s munchies.”

Holster shifted from foot to foot as Bitty stared him down. “I ate most of those pies. They were just. Too. Good!”

Bitty watched as Holster burst into fake cries, with Ransom patting his back and whispering, “Be strong, bro. Be strong.”

Bitty shook his head. He loved these boys, but figure skaters had nothing on hockey players’ drama. He turned around, getting out the rest of the ingredients and starting to add them to the dough. Behind his back, Ransom and Holster silently celebrated. At the point Bitty was chirping them, they knew it was a job well done. Mission: Cheer Up Bitty was an absolute, utter, success.


	4. Tater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitty turned around. “Do you want anything?” 
> 
> He gestured at the counter behind him, filled with cookies, cakes, pies and other sugary treats. Tater knew Bitty baked a lot, but this seemed wrong. He saw that Bitty’s eyes were red, and he seemed on edge.
> 
> But he would take a mini-pie. Especially if it was apple. He really liked the apple. “You have apple?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing tater is hard.

Tater crept quietly through the halls of Jack’s apartment, trying not to wake anyone up. Even if the main celly was over the celebration wasn’t. It was late when the party ended, so Tater decided to stay, along with a lot of Samwell Men’s Hockey. Most of them were still asleep, trying to recover from the insane partying of the Cup win, but when Tater walked into the kitchen for water, there was one other person up - Bitty.

Bitty turned around. “Do you want anything?” 

He gestured at the counter behind him, filled with cookies, cakes, pies and other sugary treats. Tater knew Bitty baked a lot, but this seemed wrong. He saw that Bitty’s eyes were red, and he seemed on edge.

But he would take a mini-pie. Especially if it was apple. He really liked the apple. “You have apple?” 

Bitty wiped his hands on a towel that was lying right by the sink. He pointed to a spot on the counter, a few feet away. “Right over there.” He turned back towards the counter, still talking as he set a timer. 

“You sure you don’t want anything else? I’ve got…” Bitty eyes swept across the counter again, and he chuckled. “... too much.”

Tater leaned back against the counter, munching on his mini-pie. “Why you baking so much? We won. You can take break. Right, B?” Still chewing, he continued. “It’s 7. Zimmboni not even up yet. Why you?”

Bitty crouched down by the oven, pulling out a tray of cookies. He hesitated, then started talking. “I couldn’t sleep. Figured that I might as well make all y’all something nice.”

“Can’t sleep. It because of Zimmboni, right?” Tater raised an eyebrow right as Bitty flushed.

“Oh, hush your mouth.” Bitty sighed, finally putting the second tray of cookies down. “My parents didn’t know I was gay. I just told them, and-”

Everything suddenly made sense to Tater. Bitty baked to deal with stress and anxiety, and right now, because of what happened, he needed to bake. 

Bitty sniffed, then dried his eyes on his sleeve. The cheerful expression had finally dropped, and he looked miserable. Tater didn’t need to ask. He already knew how it had gone. He moved so that he was right by Bitty, putting his arm against the other man’s shoulders.

“Bitty. Listen to me.” Bitty moved to face him. “Those people - people make you be someone different - not your family. People who embrace you - they ARE family. Your true family.”

Bitty looked up. “Thank you, Tater.”

Tater looked up and waved a hand. “Was no problem.” 

It was true. Tater would’ve done it for anyone on the team. He had done it for people on the team, helping them after hard games, stressful times, and every other problem they had. Since Bitty was dating Zimmboni, he would do it for him. He did it for everyone else, after all.

As Tater was eating, Bitty still scurried around the kitchen, dealing with the various baked goods he’d made. From Tater’s point of view, Bitty seemed less frantic. Eventually, everything was set up, and Bitty stopped right in front of him.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything else? After all-” Bitty chuckled, looking at the baked goods spread out all over the counter, “I’ve made a lot.”

Tater shook his head. “No. But your food too good to waste.”

“I guess it is kind of a lot of food. I don’t know what to do with it.” Bitty looked back over at Tater as he chewed on his lip. “Do you think that George would want it? Management has done a great job this season, after all. Maybe this could be a congratulations pie?”

The pie in question was something Bitty had only learned to make for Nursey’s family, since his moms ate halal and he wanted to have a pie for them to eat the last time they came to see SMH play. He was pretty proud of it, actually, since it was really different from what he usually made. And Bitty was pleasantly surprised by how good the texture was, for a chocolate cream pie with no actual animal products. (Look, he could’ve done something without lard, but he wanted the challenge, and it was vegan, which was good because Lardo had tried to go vegan for a week and really missed his pie.)

“Bitty, you forget something. Is offseason. Team don’t have to follow diet.” As he said that, the Russian man grabbed a few of Bitty’s hockey stick shaped cookies and took a bite. Crumbs flew out of his mouth as he continued speaking. “I know someone will want cookies. And Guy spent last game of regular season complaining about how he not allowed to have pie until the end of playoffs.”

Tater pulled out his phone from his pants pocket and opened the team groupchat. He took a picture of Jack’s kitchen counter, asking if anyone wanted some of the goodies. Within seconds, his phone buzzed, showing a message from Thirdy.

“Good news!” Tater announced loudly. “Thirdy wants all of cookies, say he wants something for kids. Guess that they never stop moving and wants to get them to stay close at parade.”

“Those kids?” Bitty asked. “Oh, bless their hearts. I love them, but 5 year olds are always a handful. You know? I’ll throw in some toys too. I’ve had to do this so many times with my own cousins, I’m an expert.”

As he talked, he grabbed some bags, first putting cookies in them, then adding a few small toys and other things into a larger bag, the perfect size to hold everything, including a small bag of cookies for every one of the Falcs’ kids he thought might be there.

The next hour went about the same, Tater reading off requests and helping put together all of the packages of goodies for everyone who wanted them. About half of it went into Bitty’s ‘master bag’, one just for all of the things he had for the kids at the parade, including miniature Falcs flags for anyone he meant.

Eventually, Jack woke up, walking into the kitchen with an insane case of bedhead. “Hey, Bits, where are you? You weren’t in the bedroom.” Then he noticed Tater. “Oh. Hi Tater.” 

His eyes widened as he looked at the packages Bitty and Tater were putting together, as well as the still massive pile of baked goods. After seeing his boyfriend awake, Bitty dashed over to give him a kiss on the cheek before starting to speak at a million miles a minute.

“Oh, hi honey! So, don’t freak out, but we are going to have to take another car to the game, apparently everyone wants a pie, and I couldn’t refuse! So, here we are!” Bitty then waved a tiny flag in Jack’s face as he looked at the chaos again. 

Jack was having a hard time hiding his shock and amazement at his boyfriends skills. “Bitty… euh… are you okay? I mean, the last time you were like this…” 

Jack stopped speaking, trying hard not to have flashbacks to what the entirety of Samwell Men’s Hockey mentally referred to as Jammageddon.

Bitty looked up at Jack. “Honey, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Tater grabbed another cookie and smiled. His job was done, and everyone was in a good mood. Then he started eyeing the mini pies again. They were delicious, and after all, he was only human.


	5. All of Samwell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They smiled. “By the way, my name’s Sage. Do not ask me about what I’m doing with my life after college, but I’ve heard that there are a bunch of good classes on food and shit like that.”
> 
> “I’m Eric Bittle, but just call me Bitty, everyone else does. I’m doing that major.”
> 
> “Is it good?”
> 
> Bitty groaned. He came here to escape his thesis, not have to deal with more questions about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how bitty got banned fr the dorm kitchens, so senior year

“Sorry to ask, but what are you making?”

Bitty turned around, away from what he was mixing in the dorm kitchen. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t be anywhere near this place, but he was under an insane amount of stress. His thesis was due soon, and he couldn’t bake anywhere near the Haus, not with everyone trying to get him to finally write it. I mean, he was working on it, if stress baking while trying to remember what he was going to say was working.

“Oh, it’s just a little something,” he said, wiping away the sweat from his forehead with slightly shaky hands. 

“It smells amazing!” the onlooker exclaimed. “Can you show me how to do this? It would be great to impress my girlfriend with something I made, especially since our anniversary is in a few days.”

Bitty did a double take at the sight of their face. God, these freshman looked so young.Though, they had style. They were wearing loose, flowy, high-waisted pants with a pair of Doc Martens and a short-sleeved white button down, a black tie and chunky cardigan. It was all bizarre, but it somehow worked. He could hardly believe that he’d looked that young when he was in his frog year. And they looked genuinely excited, so he turned up the old Southern charm. “Of course, honey.”

He clapped his hands together. “What do you know how to do?”

They fidgeted a bit under Bitty’s gaze, wringing their hands together. “Um… I’ve never really baked before.”

“That’s okay.” Bitty let out a small chuckle. “If I can teach a bunch of hockey players to bake, I can definitely teach anyone.”

They shrugged. “I mean, I can cook. I think I’m pretty good at it too, but I’m not sure.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Bitty pointed at the large pile of pecans on the small bit of counter space in the tiny kitchen. “Can you chop all of that for me?”

They smiled. “By the way, my name’s Sage. Do not ask me about what I’m doing with my life after college, but I’ve heard that there are a bunch of good classes on food and shit like that.”

“I’m Eric Bittle, but just call me Bitty, everyone else does. I’m doing that major.”

“Is it good?”

Bitty groaned. He came here to escape his thesis, not have to deal with more questions about it. 

“Oh, lord.” He stared right at Sage, noticing a small pin they wore with they/them/theirs on it. Then Bitty started begging. “Please do not talk about it.”

Sage gave him a sassy wink and tiny salute with the knife they’d just picked up. “Sir, yes sir.”

Within a half hour the delicious aroma of pecan mini pies was floating out the door, Sage had found something they truly loved and were good at, Bitty had found an assistant, and there was a massive crowd in the kitchen throwing away their hard-earned money to Bitty and Sage.

Everyone in the Haus had just gotten back from class when they realized Bitty was missing. First the texts started, the buzzing getting ignored by Bitty as he tried to corral a ravenous crowd while Sage was handing out baked goods. It was too crowded for him to notice.

Back at the Haus, a groupchat had been started, everyone trying to find Bitty. The only reason it had taken this long was because Bitty had turned off the setting to let people see his location before sneaking to the dorm kitchen.

Dex and Nursey, the de facto campus leaders of the search for Bitty were in their rooms, head in their hands, trying to hold it together.

“He couldn’t have gotten far,” Dex was saying. “None of the cars are missing, so I don’t think he’s more than a few miles away.”

“Chill, dude.” Nursey was lounging on the bottom bunk at Dex’s insistence, saying he needed his d partner uninjured for the playoffs. He had taken charge of looking through Instagram and Twitter for any mention of Bitty. “Have you heard anything from Whiskey? I think he was talking to the lax bros.”

“No.” Dex sighed, typing furiously on a laptop. “Nothing on Reddit, nothing from Whiskey, nothing from Chowder, and nothing from Ford. Just a dead end.”

Nursey lifted his phone up to his face, looking at an update from the groupchat. “Jack has no idea either.”

All of a sudden Dex’s face changed, a small, fierce smile spreading across his freckled cheeks. “We got him.”

“How?” Nursey sat bolt upright, hitting his head on the underside of the bottom bunk. Dex rolled his eyes at such a typical derside of the bunk bed. 

“Ford’s friends were talking about someone handing out baked goods from a dorm kitchen.” Then Dex stood up and stretched. “I need to go and detach Betsy Jr. You, Chowder, and Ford should go and get Bitty.”

As soon as Dex left, Nursey hurried downstairs, only tripping 2 times on the way out the door. As soon as he got out of the Haus, Chowder ran out to him, flailing wildly. 

“Oh, hey Chowder.”

The goalie was smiling right in his face. “We found Bitty! And it’s all because of Ford! So, apparently her friends found this guy baking in the dorm kitchens and she asked around and it’s Bitty! Come on, we gotta go!”

Looking around, Nursey spotted Ford a little bit behind them, not even out of breath and ready to get going. Both boys raced towards her, trying to get started on their mission to capture Bitty. 

When his teammates snuck up on him, Bitty had no idea that they knew where he was. In only two hours he’d picked up an assistant, gotten enough money to fund his baking for a month, and had become a campus legend. The kitchen was swamped with people, everyone trying to elbow their way to the front as the mini pies and cookies were handed out, occasionally even with money being contributed to the cause from the richest students. 

At the same time, Chowder, Nursey, and Ford were slowly creeping their way to the front of the crowd, throwing elbows and apologies at people as they followed the faint sound of Bitty’s voice.

“Now, look, there will be plenty of pies for everyone. Even the hockey team couldn’t eat this much, and they’ve tried.”

Then they heard another voice, unfamiliar and slightly raspy. “The next batch will be done in 10 minutes, OK?” Then under their breath, quieter, “Jesus. It’s like they’re a pack of rabid wolves, and I’d know! I have a shit ton of younger siblings.”

Out of the corner of his mouth, Bitty mumbled a familiar Southern catchphrase: “Bless their hearts.”

Finally, the three of them saw an opportunity. Ford stuck her fingers in her mouth and let off an ear piercing whistle, then said loudly, “Eric Richard Bittle!”

Chowder and Nursey looked at each other, then stepped to Ford’s side, letting her take the lead while trying their best to look intimidating. The crowd parted, too stunned by Ford to try and stop her.

Bitty was nervous, pulling at the collar of his shirt. “Hi, y’all. Do you- do you want some pie?” he asked weakly, crumbling under Ford’s stare.

“You know what I want.” Ford looked back at Nursey and Chowder and nodded. “Grab him.”

The two men marched forward, almost getting Bitty before Nursey tripped over his own feet. At that moment, Bitty ran forward, trying to escape. 

“You’ll never take me alive!” he yelled, right before slamming into the brick wall of Ford, who pinned him for long enough to let Chowder and Nursey grab his wrists.

As they marched out of the room, Sage yelled out to Bitty one final time, “I’ll tell your story, Bitty! Nobody will forget your bravery!”

Ford smiled hearing that, having gotten the subtle Hamilton reference. That was a person she could be friends with, and that smile lasted as she marched Bitty back to the Haus to await the team’s judgement.


	6. +1: 5 years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘So, we all know Jack Zimmermann and Eric Bittle from the famous Stanley Cup kiss, making Jack Zimmermann the only out player in the NHL. If not, Eric Bittle’s name might ring a bell from his Youtube and Twitter accounts @omgcheckplease. But recently, he’s become famous around Providence for another reason: his bakery. Called Insomnia Pies, it’s gained fame for being open at most hours of the day and night. I was lucky enough to get to meet with him recently, and ask about what led to this career choice and how his bakery gained so much fame…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this 5+1 was inspired by insomnia cookies and the explanations finally here

‘So, we all know Jack Zimmermann and Eric Bittle from the famous Stanley Cup kiss, making Jack Zimmermann the only out player in the NHL. If not, Eric Bittle’s name might ring a bell from his Youtube and Twitter accounts @omgcheckplease. But recently, he’s become famous around Providence for another reason: his bakery. Called Insomnia Pies, it’s gained fame for being open at most hours of the day and night. I was lucky enough to get to meet with him recently, and ask about what led to this career choice and how his bakery gained so much fame…’ 

“Is everything ready?”

Bitty was nervously straightening his bow tie and running his fingers through his hair as he waited for the reporter to arrive. Behind the counter, Sage rolled their eyes. “Like I told you the last hundred times, everything is perfect! Just take a fucking chill pill, Bitty!”

“They’re right,” Jack chimed in from one of the small tables at the front of the bakery, usually called the cafe area. “You’re really stressed out, Bits. You need to relax.”

Right then, the bell rang as someone stepped into the shop. They looked around, like they were trying to find someone. Then they spotted Sage, who leaped out from behind the counter and hugged them.

“I’ve missed you!!!!! Come on, girl, where have you been?!”

She rolled her eyes before tucking her long dark hair behind her ears. “Come on, Sage, you know I’m here for, I don’t know, my job?” She laughed again, obviously not serious. “Also, you know me. I would gladly stay at home forever, and since Xenon’s a workaholic, I’ve been hiding in the attic, slowly evolving into a cryptid.”

Bitty’s eyes drifted over to Jack, who shrugged. Neither of them knew what was going on, and they had no idea how the duo knew each other. Bitty was still a good host though, so he walked forward, extending a hand to shake as if nothing had happened. “Hi. I’m Eric, the owner. And you are?”

The woman in front of him immediately turned around, taking his hand and shaking it. As soon as it was over, her hand flew up to her hair, as if to tuck it behind her ear again. 

“Sorry I didn’t say anything, I just haven’t seen Sage in forever. I’m Laurel. Laurel Ray. The reporter.” She studied Bitty’s face, and seeing the surprise, rushed to make sure there was no confusion. Her fingers started to drum on her leg as soon as she started speaking. “Um, you knew I was coming, right?”

“Of course, I just wasn’t expecting you to know one of my employees.” Bitty started to lead the reporter over to one of the small tables in the front. “If you want to start, anytime is good. The shop’s closed right now, so we won’t be interrupted.”

“Oh!” Laurel smiled at Bitty. “Thanks, that will make my job a lot easier. Also, I know you want to know, so I’ll just tell you now: I know Sage through my joyfriend, Xenon. They met online, and once they knew they were in the same place, they started to meet up a lot.”

Bitty knew that asking this question might offend her, but he couldn’t help but ask. “Are you and Xenon… together?”

Laurel was still smiling, but on the inside, she was thinking oh shit, here we go again. Bitty seemed nice, so she decided to answer. “Not in the way most people are, but we’re in a QPR. Queer platonic relationship.”

Thankfully, Bitty seemed to take it all in stride. “Are you aromantic, then?”

“Aroace, actually.” Laurel started to set out her computer and her phone, ready to record the interview. Bitty was just hovering behind her, not sure of what to do. 

“Do you want anything to eat? We’ve always got something here, I’m sure there’s a thing you’ll like.”

Laurel raised an eyebrow. “You do realize I’m not a food critic, right?”

“I know, I just want to make you feel welcome.” Bitty had gone behind the counter and grabbed a piece of pie for her. “Here, my famous chocolate nutella pie. I can promise that you’ll love it.”

Laurel eagerly accepted the pie and took a bite. “You do realize you found the way to my heart?” she said, waving her fork at Bitty. She took another bite and closed her eyes. “Damn, that’s good. Not as good as cake, but definitely better than sex.”

When Bitty looked confused, all she said was “It was just a joke.” Then she rolled her eyes. “Allos. So oblivious.”

Bitty sat down in front of her at the exact moment Laurel finished her pie. “We can start now, right?”

Laurel wiped the crumbs off her face before responding. “Of course.” Then her posture changed abruptly, becoming more professional as she looked at a piece of paper with her questions written on it. 

“How did you decide to start this business?” 

Bitty laughed, then shifted in his seat. “It started at Samwell, where I went to college. I’ve always baked to deal with stress, and as my husband can tell you, it got in the way of me writing my thesis. Right before a deadline I started baking in one of the dorm kitchens to escape my teammates forcing me to stop, and it was popular. The people were heathens, bless their hearts, but some of them had money. Once I graduated, I needed something to do, so I thought that maybe I could bake for a living. And it’s all because of my stress baking!”

After hearing that story, Laurel laughed before getting herself under control and becoming a bit more professional. “Did the name of the bakery come around the same way? Every time I hear the name I think of Insomnia Pies.”

Bitty leaned forward, becoming a bit more friendly and conspiratorial. “I made getting Insomnia Cookies a fineable offense on my college hockey team. And anyways, my pies are much better.”

Laurel seemed offended by that statement. “I lived on those! Not at college, but staying up to hang out with my friends. There is nothing that can beat a warm, fresh cookie in the middle of the night.” Her voice changed, getting lower and a bit more threatening. “Not. Even. Your. Pies!”

“Oh, bless your heart.” Bitty muttered to the woman across the table. Laurel felt offended and like Bitty was being intentionally condescending. She coughed, trying to get back on track.

“Can we continue?”

Bitty’s only response was a cheeky smile. “The name was based on Insomnia Cookies. I would bake in the middle of the night if I was stressed, so when I started this business I just decided to embrace my messed up sleep schedule. Unfortunately, my body had other ideas. Now it’s only open this late during the hockey season.”

After those two questions the stories became a lot less memorable. Laurel’s article came out that exact weekend, and Bitty woke everyone up by sending them a link to the article. It was an amazing article, and at the end, even included a recommendation for the chocolate nutella pie. 

The next day Insomnia Pies was swamped by a hungry, hungry horde of people. As Sage looked out at the crowd they said one thing, pulling Bitty back to the day they met.

“It’s like a pack of rabid animals, isn’t it, Bitty?”

Bitty smiled. “Exactly.”

Sage gave one of their patented cocky smiles. “Let’s go brave the hordes!”

Bitty laughed, running up to the counter. The bell ringed and he took a deep breath.

“Hello, how can I help you, honey?”


End file.
